Tag: Divorce

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Highlighting the Truth About Post-separation Abuse

Written by Kristina Lindsay on December 9, 2024. Posted in Divorce.

As a certified Domestic Violence Professional, I have seen every form of abuse play out in my clients’ lives: from physical, financial, stalking, sexual and psychological abuse. The common myth that permeates our culture is leaving an abusive situation is 1) simple, and 2) solves the problem. In reality leaving is the most dangerous time and survivors know this instinctively. This is why I want to talk about one of the most common things I talk to my clients about every day as a Divorce Coach: post-separation abuse.

There is nothing simple about extracting oneself from a life built with another person, especially when we consider financial considerations and children. When we add in the element of domestic abuse it is even more difficult. In fact it takes the average survivor seven different times to fully leave. In healthy separations things can get complex, let alone if domestic abuse is a part of the dynamic. In recent years, the labeling of the specific type of abuse that occurs after separation has finally been named: that is post-separation abuse.

In the 2023 Measuring Safety Data Report published by The Network: Advocating Against Domestic Violence (a Chicagoland member-based advocacy organization) 90% of survivors that were surveyed reported dealing with post-separation abuse for years and even decades after splitting up. The coining of the term “post-separation abuse” was developed by One Mom’s Battle, an advocacy group that was started by protective parent Tina Swithin.

Signs of Post-separation Abuse

Counter-Parenting: Undermining the safe parent’s decisions and abilities; denies or withholds consent for minor child’s medical or therapeutic needs

Legal Abuse: Misuse of court proceedings to control, harass, intimidate and exhaust the financial resources of the safe parent; ignoring court orders, making false reports to DCFS, police etc.

Coercive Control: Imposing false narratives making the safe parent doubt their own reality (gaslighting); instills fear and makes threats to harm; strategically manipulates family and friends into conflict with the safe parent; consistent belittling and undermining of the safe parent

Isolation: Withholds minor child(ren) socially and/or from activities of importance to them; spreads rumors within the community or culture group to shame and stigmatize the safe parent; cuts off access to phone/accounts further destabilizing someone’s life.

Stalking/Harassment: Monitoring someone’s whereabouts through electronic means/ malware on computers/phones/vehicles etc; numerous messages via email/phone/text (do not need to be threatening in nature); making threats that do not rise to level of police involvement/threatening blackmail

Financial Abuse: Depleting back accounts, withholding support payments or court-ordered funds, impeding someone from maintaining employment, jeopardizing credit scores, causing eviction/foreclosure

Neglectful Parenting: Exposes children to unsafe content, situations, or people, uses intimidation or threats against the children to gain compliance, abusive parent’s needs are placed above the children

Alienation Claims: Parental alienation claims lodged against safe parents as a legal strategy, child rejects abusive parent in favor of safe parent leading to false claims, valid claims of abuse labeled as alienation as defensive tactic.

Subtle Tactics: The abuse might not always be as obvious as physical violence but could be more covert, such as manipulation of mutual friends or family members to undermine the victim’s support system. It can be challenging to ask for help in these situations due to the shame that many feel in a society that doesn’t understand abuse and often victim-blames.

Many people that choose to be abusive and cause harm find ways to do so that are not against the law. Post-separation abuse can be difficult to pinpoint as it comes during a time of distress when a relationship is breaking apart anyways. People experiencing this may excuse the behavior of their ex-partner such as “He is really struggling with the split”, or “She is coping by using alcohol and doesn’t mean to be so vicious”. When the actions of the ex-partner rise to the level of causing someone harm in the above ways we can see this play out with different effects on someone’s day to day life.

Recognizing the Signs In Yourself

Emotional Toll: Survivors may feel trapped or unable to escape the past relationship because of the ongoing harassment or control tactics.

Physical or Mental Health Consequences: Chronic stress, anxiety, depression, or PTSD are common outcomes of post-separation abuse.

Ultimately, if you or someone you know has experienced any type of abuse: it is not your fault. Abusing another person is always a choice and always the fault of the person using their power to cause harm to another person. There are many ways to seek support when dealing with a harmful person. Reaching out to the IL Domestic Violence Hotline at 847-221-5680 is one way. As a divorce coach, I’ve seen this battle countless times. Let’s go over some additional action steps to protect yourself and think ahead if you are dealing with this particular form of abuse.

How to Protect Yourself

Set Boundaries: Clearly communicate your limits and try to avoid contact with the abuser. If necessary, block their number and social media profiles.

Seek Legal Protection: Consider seeking an order of protection or pursuing legal action to protect yourself from harassment or threats. Ensure that your attorney is familiar with how to navigate high conflict cases. Obtain a consult from a reputable family law firm, such as Merel Family Law.

Document Everything: Keep a record of any abusive behaviors or communications, including screenshots, emails, and texts, which can be useful if legal action is needed. Visit the National Network to End Domestic Violence’s “Safety Net Project” at www.techsafety.org.

Reach Out for Support: Connect with domestic abuse organizations, counseling services, a divorce coach and support groups that specialize in post-separation abuse. For clients of Merel Family Law, I am able to provide comprehensive support and safety planning to address these very real concerns.

Safety Planning: Consider creating a safety plan if you feel at risk, including emergency contact information and steps to take if the abuser becomes violent or threatening. Working with a domestic violence advocate is always recommended.

Post-separation abuse can feel overwhelming and insidious. It is important for the general public to become aware of this type of abuse and the many ways that it can appear in someone’s life. Isolation is a tool of an abuser so remembering that support is out there is critical.

What Can I Do With This Information?

If any of this sounds familiar and you’d like to have a deeper conversation about it and how to empower yourself to move on and live your best life, I am an in-house Divorce Coach with Merel Family Law, give me a call! I’m available at (312) 408-7000, or you can schedule a consultation using the buttons above, below and all around!

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Divorce for Business Owners

Written by David Zwaska on October 2, 2024. Posted in Divorce, Property Division.

Divorce is already a scary proposition for anyone. But, divorce for someone who owns a business sounds like a nightmare, right? Well, it doesn’t have to be. There are things that can be done by you and your experienced attorney to keep you and your business protected in a divorce case.

What are the key factors a business owner should consider in a divorce?

One of the most important factors that a business owner must consider in a divorce is when was the business acquired or incorporated. A general rule in a divorce is that any asset acquired during the marriage is presumed to be marital property. Thus, if a business owner incorporated a business during a divorce, the court will presume it to be marital unless one of the exceptions applies. The most common exception is when a business is inherited during a marriage; in that case, the business is non-marital and not subject to the divorce.

A second important factor is each spouse’s contribution toward the business during the marriage. For instance, if only one spouse started the business, developed the business and grew it during the marriage, that spouse would have a good argument that he or she should receive the majority of the value of the business in the divorce. However, if the second spouse was responsible for raising children while the first spouse was developing the business, the second spouse will have a good counterargument that the value of the business should be split more equally in a divorce.

In other words, the second spouse could effectively argue that the first spouse was able to devote so much time and effort to the business because the second spouse was maintaining the home and raising the children.

Can a pre-nuptial or post-nuptial agreement help?

Good news here: yes. In fact, most of the pre-nuptial agreements (commonly known as “prenups”) we negotiate here at the firm involve protecting businesses in the event of a divorce. As a refresher, a pre-nuptial agreement is a legally binding contract that spouses sign before a marriage that outlines what happens to property and debt in the event of a divorce. A post-nuptial agreement (“postnup”) is similar, except that it is signed during the marriage instead of before the marriage.

A typical situation for a prenup is that one person has a valuable business that he or she wants to protect during the marriage. The prenuptial agreement will specify what happens to that business in the event of divorce, such as clarifying that the spouse who started the business will be awarded 100% of the business. For a postnup, a common situation is that two spouses are having marital difficulties around finances, and instead of filing for divorce, the spouses will enter into a postnup to clarify how the business will be divided in the event of a divorce.

Another common postnup situation is that two spouses have filed for divorce and are months into the divorce process. However, instead of getting divorced, the spouses decide to stay married and enter a postnuptial agreement that results in the dismissal of the pending divorce case. This is a positive situation that preserves the marriage, while setting ground rules for what will happen in the event of a future divorce.

A prenup or postnup can also have provisions that change over time. For example, a prenup or postnup could state that if the parties stay married for at least five years, the second spouse will receive 25% of the first spouse’s business, and that percentage can increase for each year of marriage up to a full 50%. Additionally, a prenup or postnup can have a “sunset provision” that states that at a certain point, such as 20 years into the marriage, the prenup or postnup will expire.

For example, a prenup could state that the second spouse receives nothing from the first spouse until the parties have been married for 20 years. After 20 years, the prenup restriction sunsets, and all marital property is divided equally between the spouses. This type of provision incentivizes spouses to stay in the marriage and “earn” the division of property.

How can I organize my finances to prepare for a divorce?

We help clients protect their assets. One way to do this is to separate business accounts from personal accounts. For example, if there is currently a business credit card that is used for both personal and business expenses, you can get two separate cards so that you can segregate personal expenses on one card and business expenses on another card.

As another example, is all the accounts are joint, you could start separating the accounts so that the tracing of funds and expenses is easier.

How can businesses be divided in a divorce?

There are several ways to divide a business during a divorce, and here are three examples that illustrate the main ways a business can be divided.

Example 1: The first spouse owns 8% of a lucrative company, and the second spouse wants to “ride along” with the business versus getting bought out for her one-half interest of the 8%. The first spouse then held half of his interest in the company in what we call “constructive trust” for the second spouse, and the second spouse rode along with the rise and fall of the value of the company.

Example 2: The first spouse owns a company 100%, and the company is clearly marital with the second spouse receiving 50%. The parties got divorced, and we reserved the issue of the value of the company so that an independent business valuator could be appointed by the court to value the business for the purpose of the divorce. This allowed the parties to get divorced without the business valuation holding up the rest of the divorce process. Several months after the divorce finalized, the valuator completed the valuation, and the first spouse paid the second spouse a lump sum for the second spouse’s 50% value of the company.

Example 3: The first spouse had a company that he thought was marital, and the company was valued at $2 million. However, in reviewing the company documents, we determined that the first spouse had actually inherited the business from his uncle, which made the entire business non-marital. That means the court could not divide it during the divorce. Thus, we were able to negotiate a settlement where the first spouse paid the second spouse only a fraction of the value of the company (far less than 50%) as part of the divorce settlement. The reason for the payout was the contribution argument that was discussed above. In this case, the first spouse was able to contribute so much time and effort to the business because the second spouse was busy maintaining the home and raising the children.

How is the value of a company paid out during a divorce?

Fear not, a marital business does not have to be liquidated during a divorce. If there is an agreement that one spouse must pay a certain amount of money to the second spouse for the value of a marital business, the court will often allow that payment to be structured over time. Sometimes, this payment may occur over several years. We recently finalized a case where our client will pay out his ex-spouse over ten years. This structured settlement allows the business owner to finance the payments without having to liquidate the business.

How is this helpful for you?

Here at Merel Family Law, we take pride in protecting our clients and their assets from all angles. We’ve researched the case law and we’ve done the work. When it comes to your business and assets, you’re in excellent hands. If you have questions about anything I didn’t cover here, please don’t hesitate to reach out.