When you’re going through a divorce, everyone suddenly becomes your Chicago, IL divorce lawyer, even though they do not have law degrees and you didn’t ask them. Your cousin, who knows a guy, and that one coworker who binge-watched a season of Suits all have an opinion, and they’re all absolutely sure they know exactly what you should do. We get it. They mean well, but when it comes to legal strategy, well-meaning advice is often plain wrong. At Merel Family Law, we’ve seen the fallout from these well-intentioned but terrible ideas.
Here are the top five divorce myths we hear all the time, and why listening to them could cost you a fortune.
Myth #1: Move Out Of The House Immediately! It Shows You’re The Bigger Person
The Terrible Advice: Your friend insists that leaving the marital home is a noble act. It will reduce conflict and make you look like the reasonable one.
Why It’s a Disaster: Moving out of the house without a court order or a clearly written agreement is one of the biggest strategic blunders you can make. From a legal standpoint, you are voluntarily surrendering possession of a major marital asset. This can set a precedent that’s incredibly difficult to reverse.
A judge might see it as you abandoning the home, which could weaken your claim to it later. More importantly, if you have children, leaving them in the home with your spouse can unintentionally create a new custody arrangement, which would make it much harder for you to argue for more parenting time down the road.
The Smart Move: Do not move out until you’ve spoken with your attorney. We can help you file for exclusive possession of the home or negotiate a temporary agreement that protects your rights to the property and your time with your children.
Myth #2: Empty The Joint Bank Account Before They Do!
The Terrible Advice: It’s a race to the bank! Your friend is convinced that your spouse is about to drain your shared accounts, so you need to strike first. “It’s your money too,” they say.
Why It’s a Disaster: This is financial sabotage that will make you look terrible in court. Taking all the money from a joint account is a huge red flag for any judge. It can be seen as dissipation of assets, which means improperly using marital funds.
You could be ordered to return all the money and pay your spouse’s attorney fees for the trouble you caused, and you’ll start your case with zero credibility. You look like you’re hiding something, even if you intended to protect the funds.
The Smart Move: Instead of draining the account, talk to your lawyer about a financial restraining order. This is a court order that freezes major assets and prevents either spouse from making unusual withdrawals to make sure the money stays put until it can be divided fairly.
Myth #3: The Affair Means You Get Everything, Right?
The Terrible Advice: Your friend is outraged that your spouse cheated. They are sure this means you’ll be rewarded in court with a bigger settlement as punishment for the infidelity.
Why It’s a Disaster: This is confusing courtroom drama with real life. Both Illinois and Michigan are “no-fault” divorce states. This means that a judge doesn’t consider either party’s “fault” (like an affair) when dividing property. The court’s job is to divide marital assets equitably, not to punish someone for bad behavior.
While the affair itself won’t get you a bigger piece of the pie, the spending on the affair (gifts, trips, etc.) absolutely can be considered dissipation and recovered in the settlement, but the act of cheating alone is not a golden ticket.
The Smart Move: Focus on the financials, not the feelings. Work with your attorney to track any marital money spent on the affair. That’s where you can actually make a financial recovery.
Myth #4: Just Keep Things Friendly And Work It Out Yourselves. You Don’t Need Lawyers.
The Terrible Advice: Your friend is a peacemaker. They believe that hiring lawyers will make things contentious and expensive. A simple handshake agreement should be enough, right?
Why It’s a Disaster: A handshake deal in a divorce is worth less than the paper it’s not written on. Without a formal and legally binding Marital Settlement Agreement that is reviewed by attorneys and entered with the court, you have zero protection.
What seems friendly now can turn ugly in a year when your ex decides not to follow through on their verbal promises about child support or selling the house. You’ll end up spending far more money trying to fix the mess later than you would have by doing it right the first time.
The Smart Move: Even in the most amicable divorce, each party should have their own attorney review the final agreement. It protects both of you and ensures the deal you made is actually enforceable.
Myth #5: Refuse To Talk To Them! Let The Lawyers Handle Everything.
The Terrible Advice: Your friend wants you to go into full battle mode. Don’t answer their texts and don’t take their calls. Stone-cold silence is the ultimate power move.
Why It’s a Disaster: While you shouldn’t engage in screaming matches, completely stonewalling your spouse, especially when you have children, is a terrible strategy. A judge wants to see two reasonable adults who can co-parent effectively.
Refusing to communicate about your kids’ schedules or doctors’ appointments makes you look difficult and unreasonable, which can seriously hurt your custody case. It also drives up your legal fees, as you’ll be paying your lawyer to communicate about every little thing.
The Smart Move: Keep your communication brief and informative. Stick to logistics about the kids or finances. If direct communication is impossible, use a court-approved co-parenting app. This shows the judge you’re focused on solutions, not conflict.
Your friends are your support system, and you’ll need them, but you need a lawyer for legal advice.
If you’re in Illinois or Michigan and ready to play the divorce game plan, book a consultation with Merel Family Law today by giving us a call.
