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Holidays and special occasions become complicated after divorce when children need to divide time between two parents who each want to celebrate with them. The traditions you established as a family must change, requiring new approaches that honor both parents’ desire to share meaningful moments with their children while minimizing stress on kids caught between competing celebrations.
Our friends at the Law Office of Daniel E. Stuart, P.A. help parents develop holiday schedules that balance fairness with practicality and children’s needs. A divorce lawyer can incorporate detailed holiday provisions into your parenting plan or help modify existing arrangements that aren’t working well for your family.
Include Holiday Schedules in Parenting Plans
Your parenting plan should specify exactly which holidays are covered and how they’re divided. Don’t leave holiday arrangements to annual negotiation or assume you’ll work it out informally each year.
List every holiday you want to address. Major holidays like Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s, and Fourth of July obviously need coverage. Don’t forget less prominent days that matter to your family like religious holidays, spring break, Halloween, or children’s birthdays.
Define precisely when each holiday begins and ends. Does Christmas start on Christmas Eve morning or Christmas Eve at 6 PM? When does it end? Specific times prevent disputes about pickup and drop-off schedules.
Common Holiday Division Approaches
Alternating annually works well for major holidays. One parent gets Thanksgiving in even years while the other has it in odd years, then they switch. This pattern ensures both parents eventually share each important holiday with the children.
Splitting the holiday itself allows both parents time during the same celebration. Christmas Eve with one parent and Christmas Day with the other gives children time with both families during the holiday period.
Fixed schedules assign certain holidays permanently to each parent. Mom always gets Mother’s Day and Dad always gets Father’s Day. Some families assign holidays based on religious significance or family traditions.
Major Holiday Considerations
Christmas and Hanukkah present particular challenges given their significance to many families. Consider whether splitting Christmas Eve and Christmas Day works or whether alternating the entire Christmas period makes more sense.
Account for extended family traditions. If your family always gathers on Christmas Day while your ex-spouse’s family celebrates on Christmas Eve, split accordingly to honor both families’ customs.
School breaks often overlap with holidays. Specify whether holiday time supersedes the regular schedule or how the two interact when winter break includes both Christmas and New Year’s.
Three-Day Weekends and Minor Holidays
Memorial Day, Labor Day, Martin Luther King Jr. Day, and Presidents’ Day create three-day weekends. Decide whether these follow the regular custody schedule or get special allocation.
Some families alternate three-day weekends. Others let them fall wherever they land according to the regular schedule. Choose an approach that balances simplicity with fairness.
Children’s Birthdays
Common birthday arrangements include:
- Alternating years for the actual birthday celebration
- Splitting the birthday so children see both parents
- Allowing the non-custodial parent extra time around the birthday
- Each parent celebrating separately with the child
- Co-hosting joint birthday parties
Consider children’s ages and preferences when deciding about birthdays. Young children might enjoy two celebrations. Teenagers might prefer choosing how to spend their birthdays.
Parents’ Birthdays and Mother’s Day/Father’s Day
Parenting plans typically give parents time with children on their own birthdays and on Mother’s Day or Father’s Day. These provisions recognize the importance of children celebrating parents.
Define the duration of these special days. A few hours? The entire day? Overnight? Specify exactly what time is allocated.
School Breaks
Spring break, winter break, and summer vacation need detailed allocation. Specify whether one parent gets the entire break, whether you split it, or whether you alternate years.
Account for actual school calendars. Districts have different break schedules, and calendars change annually. Build flexibility into your plan for variations in school break timing.
Advanced notice requirements help parents plan. Require each parent to inform the other about vacation plans by specific deadlines, perhaps 60 or 90 days before breaks begin.
Religious Holidays
Families celebrating religious holidays need specific provisions for those days. Passover, Easter, Ramadan, Diwali, or other holidays significant to your family should be addressed in your parenting plan.
Respect both parents’ religious traditions when they differ. Children might celebrate different holidays with each parent, exposing them to both religious backgrounds.
Creating New Traditions
Let go of trying to replicate pre-divorce holiday celebrations. Those traditions belonged to your intact family. Create new traditions that fit your post-divorce reality.
Children can have two Christmases, two Thanksgivings, and two celebrations of other holidays. While different from the past, these separate celebrations become normal and special in their own ways.
Make your holiday time with children meaningful without competing with the other parent. Focus on creating positive experiences rather than trying to outdo your ex-spouse.
Flexibility and Trades
Build flexibility into your schedule for important occasions. If your daughter’s dance recital falls during the other parent’s time, trade days to attend it.
Trading holidays works when parents cooperate. Swapping Thanksgiving this year for Christmas next year provides flexibility while maintaining overall fairness.
Document any trades or changes in writing. Text or email confirmation prevents disputes about what you agreed to.
Managing Transitions
Holiday transitions can be difficult emotionally. Children might feel torn between parents or sad about leaving one celebration to go to another.
Make transitions smooth and positive. Don’t grill children about what they did with the other parent or express disappointment that they’re leaving.
Consider transition timing carefully. Moving children late on Christmas night might be less disruptive than early Christmas morning.
Extended Family Involvement
Grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins want holiday time with children too. Build in time for extended family while balancing it against nuclear family celebrations.
Coordinate with the other parent about extended family gatherings when possible. Children benefit from relationships with relatives on both sides.
Gift-Giving Coordination
Communicate about major gifts to avoid duplication or competition. Both parents buying the same expensive item wastes money and creates awkwardness.
Agree on spending limits if budget disparities exist. Children shouldn’t receive dramatically different gifts based on which parent has more money.
Don’t use gifts to compete for children’s affection. Lavish gifts don’t buy love and can make children uncomfortable.
When Children Get Older
Teenagers want input into holiday schedules. Consider their preferences about where they spend holidays and who they celebrate with.
Driving-age teens might manage their own transportation between celebrations. This independence can ease logistics but requires coordination.
College-age children often come home for holidays. Specify how college breaks are divided once children aren’t living with either parent full-time.
Handling Conflicts
Despite detailed schedules, disputes arise. Build dispute resolution mechanisms into your parenting plan. Mediation requirements before court involvement can resolve disagreements efficiently.
Document the schedule clearly to minimize disputes. When questions arise about who has the children for a particular holiday, clear written terms provide answers.
Planning Ahead
Review your holiday schedule well in advance each year. Don’t wait until November to figure out Thanksgiving arrangements.
Communicate early about vacation plans and special events. Last-minute notifications create problems for the other parent’s planning.
Mark custody transitions on shared calendars. Digital calendar tools help both parents track schedules and prevent confusion.
Maintaining Perspective
Children’s wellbeing matters more than any parent getting their preferred holiday schedule. Focus on what serves children rather than what feels fair to you.
Some years won’t go as you hoped. Your daughter might have the flu during your Christmas time, or your son’s tournament might conflict with your holiday plans. Flexibility and grace help everyone adjust.
Remember that children benefit from celebrating with both parents. Even though you miss them during holidays they’re with the other parent, they’re building important memories and relationships.
Moving Forward With Holiday Planning
Holiday and special occasion schedules after divorce require detailed planning, clear communication, and commitment to putting children’s needs ahead of parental competition for time and affection during meaningful celebrations. Creating comprehensive holiday provisions in your parenting plan prevents annual conflicts while ensuring children maintain traditions and relationships with both parents throughout the year. If you’re developing holiday schedules for your parenting plan, modifying arrangements that aren’t working, or facing disputes about upcoming holiday time, reach out to discuss strategies for creating fair schedules that prioritize your children’s wellbeing while respecting both parents’ desire to share special moments with them.
