You just found out your friend is getting divorced and along with wanting to help them find a good Troy, MI divorce lawyer, you feel like you can finally tell them what you think of their ex and their relationship, and how much better off they are going to be without them.
Maybe it came through a late-night phone call or a cryptic Instagram post, and now you want to show up and say the right thing but be careful about what you say.
Even with the best intentions, it’s incredibly easy to say something that ends up hurting more than helping.
Here’s what not to say — and what to say instead:
“I Never Liked Them Anyway.”
You might think you’re being loyal. You’re picking your friend’s side, after all.
However, to someone who’s grieving the end of a marriage, it sounds more like, “You wasted years of your life on someone I always knew was a bad choice.”
It invalidates everything they built and shared. Even if the marriage ended badly, it likely wasn’t all bad — and now they’re mourning a life they imagined that didn’t work out.
“Everything Happens For A Reason.”
This one usually comes from a good place. You want to offer some hope. Some big-picture clarity. The problem is that it skips past the pain and jumps right to the silver lining.
And when someone is sitting in heartbreak, the last thing they want is a spiritual pep talk.
Instead, let them feel what they feel. Don’t rush them out of it.
“Time To Get Back Out There!”
Nope. Absolutely not. Divorce is not a green light to build a Tinder profile and go swiping like Swiper.
Your friend is not looking for a distraction. They’re dealing with a major emotional upheaval. Grief needs space and time.
“Here’s What My Cousin’s Divorce Lawyer Did…”
Stop. Unless you are a family law attorney licensed in their state, do not ever give legal advice. Every divorce is different — different facts, different laws, different people, etc.
Unsolicited advice can pile on stress when someone is already overwhelmed.
Instead, encourage them to speak to a licensed attorney in their state.
Do NOT Comment On Their Divorce On Social Media
Even if they post about it, don’t get tempted.
Do not leave a “congrats!!” or “finally!” or “we always hated him lol” on their post. You don’t know who’s watching. Their ex’s attorney could be. A judge could be.
Screenshots never go away.
If you care, tell them privately — not in a comment thread for the world to see.
How To Show Up For Your Friend
You don’t need to fix anything. You don’t need to offer solutions. Just be the steady and available friend you already are.
Instead of “Let me know if you need anything,” try:
- “I’m dropping off dinner Tuesday night. Don’t worry, it’s in a container you don’t need to return.”
- “I’m heading to the store. Send me a list.”
- “Want to talk about it, or want to come over and absolutely not talk about it at all?”
Being a good friend during divorce doesn’t require saying the perfect thing. It requires showing up in a way that feels genuine. If a friend has asked you to help them find a good divorce lawyer or if you need one for yourself, Merel Family Law is available to answer questions and go over your options. Reach out to us today.
